WEBVTT

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♫ No, no, no, no, no

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<v ->Well, let's be serious, it's a glitter dick.</v>

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[fake crying]

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We're all drunk, right?

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<v ->I'm gonna fuck you up.</v>

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♫ Panic!

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♫ Yeah, to the people

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<v ->Beyonce!</v>

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How did you guys prepare for this show today?

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Were you just, like, meditating on Beyonce?

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Did you masturbate a little bit?

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<v ->Just a tad.</v>

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<v ->That's all I did all day to prepare for this.</v>

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♫ Mama let me upgrade you

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<v ->What does that mean to you?</v>

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<v ->I mean, if you're dating some trash,</v>

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you're gonna get a better piece.

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<v ->Is your husband trash?</v>

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<v ->No, my husband is the shit.</v>

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<v ->What's awesome about him?</v>

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<v ->His penis.</v>

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<v ->I mean, she did say that she's got the bomb pussy, right?</v>

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<v ->Yeah, like me.</v>

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<v ->Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, ah.</v>

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Do you know that this is Beyonce and not Ariana Grande?

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<v ->Yes.</v>

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<v ->Okay, cool, just checking.</v>

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Are you Ariana Grande?

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<v ->No.</v>

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<v ->Okay, so you guys are familiar</v>

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with the video from the elevator with Solange?

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Okay, you be Solange.

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I'm just standing here, I'm like "huh, hove"

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<v ->How dare you disrespect my sister!</v>

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<v ->Hove, no!</v>

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[R &amp; B music]

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Hold on.

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<v ->I feel like you're in need of a really good margarita.</v>

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You have not been treated enough.

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<v ->You're right!</v>

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And I haven't been treated to a good margarita!

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[R &amp; B music]

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Do you think that she's just harvesting Blue Ivy

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for her youth?

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<v ->Yeah.</v>

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<v ->That's the only reason to have kids, right?</v>

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<v ->I don't wanna have kids.</v>

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<v ->But, I mean, maybe if you keep wearing</v>

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that brown shirt, it'll act as birth control.

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<v ->Yeah.</v>

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[R &amp; B music]

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<v ->What do you think is in my bag?</v>

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You wanna look in my bag?

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<v ->Oh, shit, what is that?</v>

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<v ->It's hot sauce!</v>

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[laughter]

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<v ->I got hot sauce in my bag, swag!</v>

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[screams]

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[R &amp; B music]